Last Sunday's Sermon--Hope

I am facing a lifetime of managing a chronic mental illness.

I am facing a lifetime of chronic kidney disease and diabetes.

I am also facing a lifetime of perpetual singleness.

That’s three whammies.

Three mentally, physically, and emotionally difficult hardships.

So how do I cope?  If I focused only on these three things, I would fall into despair.  I can’t go there.

God says in Jeremiah 29:11, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”

God is my hope.  My hope for provision.  My hope for salvation.  My hope for a future of eternal life.

Based on the scriptures of Exodus 3:16-22, Sunday’s sermon on June 15, 2025 entitled “Hope in Salvation,” focused on this hope that I need to lean on.

Through Moses, God sends Israel a message of hope that they will be delivered from Egyptian oppression.  God is telling them that He is going to save them.

In the same way, God gives us hope in our salvation.  A salvation that exists in our past, present, and future.  God saved us, is still saving us, and will save us forever.

The first salvation is when we come to Christ and believe that He alone can save us.

The second salvation is our present, ongoing sanctification, whereby God keeps saving us by delivering us from false hopes that lead to despair and cynicism.  

False hope of our own personal empowerment leads to a lack of motivation and discouragement.

False hope makes us think we are in control and that way of thinking leads us to failure.

God’s hope of sanctification (ongoing salvation) in us can combat that despair.

In this sanctification, this present ongoing salvation shows us how to be more like Christ—it purifies us to be more like Him.  God is presently saving us.

We face paths of hard situations in life for our ongoing salvation of deliverance and transformation–the sanctification process.

God empowers us with the gift of His Spirit to enable us to go through these hardships.

Finally, the third salvation is when we will be saved forever in our glorification, which is a time when God will take us to heaven, either after our own personal death or through the rapture when Jesus comes for us.

This resurrection gives us hope and comes at God’s mighty hand.

God does it all.  We can’t save ourselves.  Christ is the object of our hope.  We were powerless to change ourselves.  Jesus gives us His righteousness and enables us to change by His Spirit.  Jesus is our salvation–past, present, and future.

Hope changes everything–it changes our outlook, disposition, and mood.

Hope of salvation is what we can lean on during the tough times of life in this world.

Even in present hardship, I am just passing through this world until I get to the other side in heaven. 

So the threat to mental health, physical health, and emotional health in my life cannot remain forever.  

Forever is with Jesus.

—Ann Elizabeth Yeager

Last Sunday's Sermon--God Is

God is supreme.  I am not.

We don’t define who God is.  He defines Himself.  

We know God by faith and by experiencing Him through that walk of faith.

On Sunday, June 1, 2025, our pastor emphasized these points as he took us through Exodus 3:13-15, which continues with the story of God talking to Moses through the burning bush.

God tells Moses that he will lead the Israelites out of Egypt, so Moses asks God who shall he say is sending him.

God replies in verse 14, “Say this to the people of Israel;  ‘I AM has sent me to you.’”

In this verse, God emphatically tells Moses His identity.  He is I AM.

As the great I AM, God shows that He cannot be defined by anyone other than Himself.  He is not defined by what we feel or think we need from Him.  He just is.

He’s not just a God of justice and might.  He is not just a God of mercy and lovingkindness.  He is all those things and more.  He is supreme.

God has no rival or equal to Him.  There is no equivalent to God but God Himself.

God is sending Moses to the Egyptian land of the lesser gods, and He wants the Israelites to know that He is the I AM in totality–in everything.

The sermon’s three main points were:

1. God is not a construct.

2. God is infinitely sufficient.

3. God is not me.

These points have to be read with a mindset of humility.  Moses is not I AM, and I am not I AM. God is.  God is in charge, and He is the one who is in control.  

This belief transfers to establishing my own identity.  Meaning, there is a God, and I am not Him.

This statement actually gives me grace because I know who God is, and I know who I am–and therefore, I know how I fit in His creation.

I am not the great fixer.  I am not the savior of people’s problems.  Instead, I am in need of a sovereign God to walk with me through life.  His sovereignty establishes my identity.

Then finally, the sermon illustrates the story of Jesus when He is talking to the Pharisees, and “Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I am."” (John 8:58)

This declaration of Jesus claiming His supreme deity so infuriated the religious leaders that they tried to stone Him to death.

The reason they wanted to end Jesus was because they knew what Jesus meant when He claimed to be the I AM.

He was asserting His Lordship.  He was claiming to be God.

Jesus is the same God who appeared to Moses in the burning bush.

The sooner we come to this realization, the quicker we can begin to live life trusting Him and knowing Him by faith.

And then the Ann who IS NOT can worship and follow the Jesus who is I AM.

—Ann Elizabeth Yeager

Last Sunday's Sermon--Who to Serve

I felt the Great Commission’s tug on my heart about four years ago.

I sensed I was being called to disciple others.

And not to disciple just anybody.

But to disciple those in brokenness coming for change to a 12-step Christ-centered discipleship ministry at our church.

I felt like God, who had delivered me of a struggle through this program, could use that victory to lead others in the same direction.

God can be pretty specific about where he wants us to serve, and whom he wants us to serve.

He was definitely clear about where he wanted Moses and to whom He was leading him.

Sunday’s sermon, on May 25, 2025, entitled “Effective Requests,” details Moses’ awakening with the burning bush in Exodus 3:1-12.

The point of the sermon was to illustrate how God gives us tasks, requests, or assignments to do for Him.

These tasks may not be what I will do for the rest of my life, may not be a calling into traditional ministry, and may not be a key to a higher tier of Christianity.

These tasks may be simply to do something for someone that God wants us specifically to do.

The kind of tasks that God has for us have to do with an effective request.  This request:

1. Requires my attention and requires me to listen

2. Points me to people and is always aimed at serving others

3. Requires my faith and is always clear enough to obey

God got Moses’ attention with a burning bush.  Then He called out to Moses.  Then He gave Him a task:  to deliver the Israelites out of the hand of Pharaoh in Egypt.  This call required Moses’ faith and obedience.

When I first came to this 12-step ministry, I had an idol that needed tearing down.  I knew I couldn’t do it alone.  I needed community.  So I joined the pilot program of this ministry.

After God and I tore down the idol together, I thought something like, “Hey, I think I can help people the way God helped me.” 

Change is possible.  Through accountability.  Through love.  And through deliverance.

Through God’s Word, through His people, and by His Spirit we are changed and made new.

What would have happened if I had disregarded God’s burning bush in my life?

If I had disregarded a friend’s request to have me join the pilot program of this ministry five years ago?

I don’t know the answer to that question.  

But one thing I do know:  I would have missed out on a lot of blessings and miracles.

And for those blessings and miracles, I am grateful.

God has tasks for me to do.

I just hope I can do them faithfully.

—Ann Elizabeth Yeager

Last Sunday's Sermon--Undivided

At times, I have a divided heart.  A divided focus.  A divided mind.  A divided faith.

And the reason is simple.

I have a fear of the future.

What’s going to happen to me? Will I always be provided for?  Will I always have enough money to have everything I need?  What’s going to happen to me in my old age?  Will the money be there?  Will I always have a car?

And the worries get to me.  They sometimes preoccupy my thoughts.

Sunday’s sermon, on May 18, 2025, was for me.  Especially when I just listened to it for the second time on our church’s app.

Because sometimes I’m divided.

And the sermon encouraged me to seek God.  The title of the sermon, “Seeking is Believing,” covered the verses in Matthew 6:25-34, which talks about learning not to worry, because God clothes the flowers of the field and feeds the birds of the air.

Our youth pastor, who delivered the sermon, encouraged us to seek God because:

1. He sees me.

2. He’s got me.

3. He loves me.

I am reminded of Jeremiah 29:13, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

And I am encouraged to remember those times in the past when God has been with me.

I especially remember a time when I needed God more than life itself.

I was dealing with troubling mental health issues back in 2013.  I was living in a group home in Houston.  I had nothing to claim as my own but a rented bed and a used car.

I was going to an outpatient program to try to get my feet back under me.

And I sought God with all my heart in a prayer book my brother gave me.

And in this prayer book were scriptures that I meditated on and prayed back to God.

And when I was in the coffee shop, or in the burger restaurant, or in the break room at the outpatient program, or in the group home with people from a variety of backgrounds and struggles, I sought the Lord in this prayer book.

And He met me.  And He took care of me.  And He eventually secured me an apartment back home that I could afford.

He was there for me in the past.  He is here for me now.  And He will be there for me in the future.

I just have to trust Him.

God sees me.  God’s got me.  God loves me.

And that’s enough to know to help me stay undivided.

In my heart.  In my mind.  In my focus.  In my faith.

Praise be to God.

–Ann Elizabeth Yeager

Last Sunday's Sermon--Walk by Faith

I had to show God that I meant it.

When I was in college, I came to grips with the fact that I still idolized soccer, a sport that I played throughout my childhood.

Playing soccer from the age of eight to 18 was a big esteem booster for me.  I was a serious player, and the game was instrumental in instilling great life lessons for me, namely knowing how to lose, and knowing how to win.

I knew in college that I still looked at soccer as a god for me, something that provided for me a great deal in establishing my identity as a competitive athlete.

So I felt convicted that I had to tear this idol down.

But renouncing soccer in my heart wasn’t enough.  I had to show God that I meant it.

I had to show Him that I really wanted Him to be first, and soccer a distant second, or even a game that was no longer on the scoreboard of my heart.

So I took my favorite soccer bag and threw it in the river near my house.  I also punted my soccer ball into the river.

I had to consider what I treasured, symbols of the game of soccer, as nothing better than pollution.

While I don’t aspire to give encouragement to pollution, I do agree that getting rid of my soccer valuables helped my faith to move into action and moved me to lean on God.

When you get rid of an idol, God has to replace that hole in your heart where the idol once dwelled.

On May 11, 2025, I heard a sermon on Exodus Two, one through 10, which tells the story of how Moses’ mother gave him up to show God that she trusted Him to take care of her three-month-old baby boy.

In Pharoah’s desire to get rid of all the Hebrew boy babies, he ordered them to be discarded into the Nile.

The sermon’s emphasis was “For we walk by faith, not by sight,” (2 Cor 5:7).  In the sermon, I learned that God’s providence is always working in our lives.

He never leaves us or forsakes us.  He is always there to help us during difficult times.

God wants us to live faith, breathe faith, exhibit faith. 

Our pastor showed us that my faith moves me to action, my faith bought me front row seats to God’s work, and my faith will grow with practice.  

My faith can carry me through difficult things because God will make a way for that faith to thrive.

My faith moves me to do something to prove my faith.

My faith shows me that God is working and moving and encourages me to “Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God,” a quote by Corrie ten Boom.

And finally, my faith will grow as I take a step of faith and then another–and then another–and then another.

Moses’ mom just got a glimpse of what God was doing.  She didn’t know that Moses would soon lead the Israelites through a parted sea away from the slavery and bondage of Egypt.

She just had hope that maybe Pharaoh’s daughter would have compassion on her child and rescue Him.

And God came through for her.  

Do I miss my beloved soccer bag and ball?  Definitely.  Is it better for me that it is resting in the Vermillion River than displayed on my wall?  Most definitely.

Because if I did display it on my wall, I would see it and long for the good ole days when soccer was king and I got to look like a champion.

Now, instead, God wants to be King of my heart and find my identity in His great love for me, something I am still trying to learn.

Moses’ mother gave up much more than a treasured soccer ball and bag.  She gave up her very heart, her son.

I can’t imagine that kind of faith.  She had to show God she meant it, that she had faith in Him.

And He did wondrous things with her faith.  Moses became the leader of the Israelites.

–Ann Elizabeth Yeager

Last Sunday's Sermon--Being Prepared

Preparation before presentation means everything to me.

In a spiritual light, I think preparation is important to God, too.

If I am working on a project with a goal to present that project in a certain time period, I want to be prepared.  I want to have done the legwork.  I want to have my ducks in a row.

If I am getting ready to present a script to a group of actors, I want to make sure I have done everything to prepare that script.

If I am getting ready to direct a sketch, I want to be prepared before I walk in there to direct.

If I am editing a document, I want that document to be polished before I get it ready to be printed.

If I am getting ready to speak in front of a group of people, I want to write out what I plan to say, and then I time my talk to see how long it is.

If I am not prepared for a certain presentation, I am discombobulated.

Preparation is the key to everything I want to do.

In reflecting on this type of mindset, I see how God works in us spiritually in a similar way.  

He prepares us for the ministry he has called us to for a certain season in our lives.  Often times, this preparation takes years.

In Sunday’s sermon on May 4, 2025, entitled “God Only Knows,” our pastor taught from Exodus 2:11-25, which details Moses’ escape to Midian after he committed the murder of an Egyptian in Egypt.

In that skirmish, Moses assumed the role of a leader before God had called him to the task, and He preemptively broke off an Egyptian’s beating of a Hebrew.

After the murder, Moses tried again to stop another fight, this time between two Hebrews.  One of the Hebrews asked Moses, “Who made you a prince and judge over us?  Do you mean to kill me as you killed the Egyptian?” (Ex 2:14a)

Fearing Pharaoh, Moses went into exile in the desert and became a shepherd for forty years before God called Him to deliver the Israelites from slavery in Egypt.

Moses was a young man when he thought he was ready to lead.  Instead, God called Him years later, when he was 80-years-old.  

God had to prepare Moses.  Just like He prepares us.

When I met Christ at age 20, I thought I was ready to change the world.  But God had to work out a great deal of pride in my heart before using me in a ministry I am in now.  

That pride project took about 30 years.  I still struggle with pride and have to guard against it.  But still, God has humbled me quite a bit.  At least, I hope so.

The three things discussed in the sermon were:

1. I should expect to strike when God makes me ready.

2. I should expect God to develop my character, not just my skills and abilities.

3. I should expect to be prepared for God’s plans.

In preparing us spiritually for a certain task, God has some legwork to do in our heart.

Thankfully, God knows what He’s doing as He prepares us for His plans.

Thankfully.

–Ann Elizabeth Yeager

Last Sunday's Sermon--Fear God, Not Man

Fear of many things has not been my friend in life.

But it has been an occupant in my heart for a very long time.

I suffered some abuse as a young child, and the trauma from that abuse made me feel unsafe.  That feeling led to a great deal of anxiety in my little body.

That anxiety carried into my adulthood. Sometimes I get anxious and don’t even know why..

Can this kind of serious anxiety be overcome?  Will it ever stop?

I don’t know for sure since I still struggle with it.

But fear of man is an issue that may be overcome by a fear of the Lord God Almighty.

Fearing God was the topic of our Sunday’s sermon on April 27, 2025, entitled, “What are you so afraid of?” The sermon covered Exodus Chapter One in the Bible.

In Exodus Chapter One, the Israelites were suffering greatly from the oppression of the Egyptians, yet the Israelites still increased mightily in number.

This population overload led to Pharaoh’s order to the Hebrew midwives to kill every Hebrew male born.

The Pharaoh was propagating a genocide.  His fear of losing the Israelites and their growing population led to a desire for evil.

The midwives did not obey Pharaoh.  Verse 17 reads, “But the midwives feared God and did not do as the king of Egypt commanded them, but let the male children live.”

God blessed them for their wise choice and gave them families.

The contrast in the fear of Pharaoh with the fear of the midwives shows me that the fear of man leads to evil, but the fear of God leads to blessing.

But can the fear of God over the fear of man dissolve severe anxiety?

I don’t know, but I’m hoping that it can.

So how can I develop a fear of God over the fear of man?

Sunday’s sermon showed three things to answer this question:

Find God-fearing friends.  Know God-fearing facts.  Cultivate God-fearing faith.

God-fearing friends give accountability in critical decision-making.  The Hebrew midwives probably leaned on each other for support in defying the Pharaoh.

God-fearing facts such as knowing what God is pleased with can lead to good choices.  Studying the Bible to know God better can lead to a healthy fear of God.

A God-fearing faith in a heart that prays can lead to peace.

A reverence, an honor, a deep allegiance, a reverent awe of God will not make me shrink back into a God-phobia, but, in essence, will strengthen my heart to make wise choices.

Which, as Exodus One shows, will lead to blessing.

The ultimate alignment of my fears to what God says about them might help me when I feel overwhelming anxiety.

So I guess the question to ask myself when I have anxiety is the title of the sermon, “What are you so afraid of?”

If I can answer that question during a time of crisis, maybe I can then apply the fear of God to my crisis situation, with the comparable question, “What does God say about it?”

Then I can seek God first.  And Jesus can carry my fear.  I just have to wait and see.

—Ann Elizabeth Yeager

Last Sunday's Sermon--A New Nature

I need to remind myself that I have a new nature.  

This topic was the theme of the sermon, “Alive to God,” this past Easter Sunday on April 20, 2025.

From a biblical, spiritual perspective, a person’s nature is the inner being or condition of the heart and soul.

Just like there are two types of people—believers and nonbelievers—there are two types of natures that can exist inside a person.

The nonbeliever has a sinful nature, an old nature, that is naturally inclined toward sin, rebellion, selfishness, and separation from God.

In Romans 7:18 in the Bible, the scripture says, “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.”

As an unbeliever in the past, I was powerless over my sinful behavior and needed God’s grace through Christ to help me overcome my sin. 

As a believer, I am still powerless over my sin if I live in the flesh and need the nudging of the Holy Spirit to help me live a godly life by walking in the Spirit.

When I accepted Jesus’ death as payment for my sin, I received a new nature from the Holy Spirit, a nature that desires to love God and others.

With this new nature, I am capable of obeying the two greatest commandments of Jesus—to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, strength, and mind, and to love my neighbor as myself. (Luke 10:27)

2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”

When I met Christ at age 20, I struggled with acting in my new nature.  I wrestled with the flesh that was making war with the Holy Spirit (new nature) within my soul.

I struggled for years with rebellion against my parents even after I became a Christian so much so that it may have appeared to others that I was not a believer at all.

Time passed while my nature underwent gradual transformation to slowly want to love, serve, and obey Christ.

I have not arrived, but I think I am headed in the right direction.

I eventually came around to submitting to the authority first of my earthly father, my Pop, and then later came around to truly loving my mom after my daddy died.

I realize now that my new nature had some spiritual transformation to go through, namely sanctification, which came into play the moment I accepted Christ as my Savior from my sins.

Something else that has taken time in my Christian walk is absorbing the process of surrendering my life and will to the Lordship of Christ.

Wrestling comes with Jesus’ Lordship every time the Holy Spirit shows me another sin in my life to deal with.

So to me, receiving Christ’s righteousness comes with the process of sanctification, which I will be continually welcoming until I meet Jesus one day in person.

The verse, “So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus,” (Romans 6:11) encourages me to walk with Jesus through the power of the Holy Spirit so that I can be transformed, and my new nature will reflect the love of God more and more.

Thus, I am in a battle where I am consistently pursuing righteousness and regularly saying “No” to sin.

Ultimately, I have repented of my allegiance to sin as I have been united with Christ’s death, and I now have an allegiance to Jesus, as I have been united with His resurrection.

I am reminded of the apostle Paul’s admittance of the battle within him, which is within me too.

In Romans, Paul writes, “For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.  Wretched man that I am!  Who will deliver me from this body of death?  Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.” (Romans 7:22-25)

I also know this, “For to set the mind on the flesh is death but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.” (Romans 8:6)

A battle exists between the flesh and the Spirit in every believer. Letting my new nature overcome the flesh is key to my freedom as a Christian.

I do know that this battle will end one day, when I die or when Christ comes again, and that gives me hope.

I also know that experiencing this life and peace from setting my mind on the Spirit is beyond compare.

I am so grateful.

–Ann Elizabeth Yeager

Last Sunday's Sermon--Hold Fast

God has given me a new life. 

A life where I say goodbye to religious duty and try my best not to judge others.  A life where I know that Jesus died for my pride and all my other sins.  A life where I know I am the least in the kingdom of God and strive to love the other least in the kingdom of God.  A life of purpose.  

A good life, truly.

So how did I come to this place in my life?  By the grace of God.  Through suffering and hardship.  Through the discipline of the Lord in my life.  Through my repeating the truth of the Gospel as it applies to me personally.

Sunday’s sermon, on April 13, 2025, entitled, “The Power to Stand Firm,”  helped me to see how holding fast to the Gospel continues to establish this new life that God has given me.

The sermon served to remind me of the creed in I Corinthians, chapter 15, namely verses three through six, which state the facts that Jesus died for our sins, was buried, and rose from the grave, appeared to the disciples, and then to over 500 witnesses.  Over five hundred!

How can anyone question the resurrection of Jesus Christ when there is so much proof and evidence and witnesses to the fact?

He is the only God who is still alive.

And Paul says in I Corinthians 15, verses one and two, “Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you—unless you believed in vain.” (ESV)

Hold fast.  Hold fast to the truth of the Gospel.  That is what I must continue to do.  Remind myself of what Jesus has done for me.  And hold fast to it.

For I was a Pharisee.  I expected others to live up to standards I couldn’t keep myself.  I was dead in my trespasses and God resurrected me to a new life in Him.  It is a miracle for me and for anyone who trusts in Jesus.

Ephesians two, verses four to five state, “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ–by grace you have been saved.—” (ESV)

Because of His great love.  He rose from the dead.  And saved me.  Hold fast to the truth.

–-Ann Elizabeth Yeager

Last Sunday's Sermon--I Belong

Last Saturday was particularly rough.  I was very tearful and feeling quite lonely.  I was missing my mom, who died this past February.  I was longing for a companion, friendship, anybody.  

I was thinking of the verse in Ecclesiastes Chapter 4, verse 9-10, which says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.  For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.  But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!”

So I was thinking something like, ‘Woe is me, I have no one to help lift me up and out of my sorrow.’

Earlier, I left my apartment and went to the library just to get out and read one of my lessons from Re:generation, a ministry at church where I am a co-leader.  The question in the lesson asked, “Do you truly believe that God’s love will satisfy you?  List specific parts of your life for which you doubt God’s love will satisfy you?”

I answered, ‘No,’ to the first question, and to the second question, I doubted that God’s love would satisfy my need to belong.

You see, I had a deep longing to belong that I wasn’t trusting God to help me with.  I have stuff to do during the week with people I enjoy, but the weekends are particularly difficult, and I get lonely.

That was Saturday.

The next morning, Sunday, on April 6, 2025, the focus of the sermon, entitled “The Power of Our Reconciliation:  Our Justification,” was that we belong in Christ, with Christ, and to Christ.  

Was it a coincidence that I just felt the need to belong on Saturday and then on Sunday, the sermon at our church was on the same topic?

Let me just say that I believe it was no coincidence.

I believe that God the Father was showing me that He was actively interested in my deep longing to belong.  God the Father had made a provision not only to show me that he loved me through a sermon but also to show me that I didn’t need to feel lonely because I belong among the brothers and sisters of the kingdom of God.  

Which means that I belong to God the Father, to Christ, and to the Holy Spirit.

Romans 5:1 says, “Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.”  

And Romans 5:9-11 says, “Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.  For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.  More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”

Faith in Jesus’ death and resurrection grants us eternal life.

But God’s provision doesn’t just rest in the afterlife.  He has provided all I need now.  I belong now.  What a comfort this really is.

I belong now.  Now, I just have to put that belief into practice and act like I belong.

–Ann Elizabeth Yeager

Difficult Days

These are difficult days.  I know we have been going through a crisis, and I wanted to talk to you about how God has rescued me from a personal crisis in the past, how God has rescued me from very deep suffering. 

Eight years ago, I had a mental breakdown. This was the seventh out of eight mental breakdowns that I have had over the past twenty-nine years. 

What constitutes a mental breakdown for me is after a great deal of stress, then I have major mood swings, then I slip into a psychosis.  A psychosis is made up of hallucinations and delusions.  Hallucinations are seeing things or hearing voices, and a delusion is believing something that’s not true.  So stress, mood swings, and psychosis is called an episode, and that can happen with my illness, which is schizoaffective disorder.  Sometimes I can go into a psychosis even faster now if I have a lot of anxiety and insomnia.

The fact that I have gone through eight of these episodes is significant.  During a psychosis, I have so many voices bombarding my mind that I can’t focus on anything or function well.  Living through a psychosis literally feels like you are living a nightmare that you can’t wake up from.  Living through a psychosis feels like you are caught behind enemy lines and are being tortured in your mind.  It really is that bad.

So why am I telling you this?  Because each time I have been in a psychosis, each time I have gone through one of these crises, whether I was at home or in the hospital, God has eventually rescued me and restored my soul—every time.

What really helped me keep my head above water when I was recovering from a breakdown eight years ago was the grace of God Almighty, the love of the Lord Jesus Christ, a good doctor and good medicine, coping skills like meditation, prayer, listening to calming music, and the support of friends and family.

I have also learned to embrace the practice of mindfulness, which is living in the present moment, moment by moment, one breath at a time, one step at a time, taking it one day at a time.  Meditation has also helped me tremendously.  Eight years ago when I was in the hospital, I meditated on a peaceful nature scene almost the whole time I was there.  It really helped me.  And I believe that practicing good thoughts is biblical.  Phillipians 4:8 says, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good report—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.”

After I got out of the hospital that time, I went into a group home to continue my recovery. I would read scripture out of my prayer book and pray those scriptures back to God.  And I would meditate on them.  I sought the Lord diligently through my prayer book for six months and the verse, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart,” really is true.  He showed me His presence and that helped with my healing.

I wrote a book called Holding on to a Sound Mind that covers a young woman’s recovery from an episode of schizoaffective disorder.  The story is just a slice of life that is largely autobiographical although the book is fiction too because I’ve changed times, dates, characters, and situations in the story. So it is a fiction novel with truth woven through it.  The purpose of this book is just to help people understand mental illness better.  In the book, you can learn how Hannah, the protagonist, survived this crisis in her life and maybe it will help you whenever you find yourself in a crisis.  You can find Holding on to a Sound Mind on Amazon.

To close, I have some promises from scripture that I wanted to share with you to encourage you with whatever you are going through.  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  He will never leave you or forsake you.  When you pass through the waters, he will be with you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be overcome.  He is with you always, even to the end of the age.  And if you know Jesus, you can remain confident of this, you will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Thank you for reading my story, and God Bless you.

 Ann Elizabeth Yeager

Good Thoughts

In the crisis of this pandemic, we may lean toward having negative thoughts, scared thoughts, panicky thoughts.  This style of thinking can lead towards all kinds of problems, including a negative mental state, which can lead to depression.

Practicing good thinking may be hard, but it can prove to be life-changing if you diligently pursue the exercise of having good thoughts.

Due to a mental illness eight years ago, I had to recover in a group home in Houston for six months after I was discharged from a mental hospital.  I was forced to rely on God because he was all I had.  Maybe it was kind of like the way all of us have had to rely on God during this pandemic.  I sought the Lord diligently by reading scripture in a prayer book and meditating on it.  I prayed those scriptures back to God, and He showed me His presence.  He met me where I was and ministered to me. 

Transitioning out of that time into “normal life”, I had to bring with me the habits and methods of staying close to God and keeping my mind focused on good thoughts.  It was hard at first.  I got distracted and didn’t focus on God as much.  I had to realize that I needed to continue seeking Him similar to the way I sought him while in the group home. If you think this will help you during the pandemic, take scripture and turn them into prayers, focusing on the presence of God as you pray.  When things slowly return to a more normal state in your lives, keep seeking God and meditating on Him.

Besides praying scripture back to God, there are other ways to practice good thinking.  One way to fight negative thoughts is to avoid filling your mind with negative images and negative information.  If you watch heavy, dark images on TV and negative newscasts 24/7, you will struggle with thinking in a positive way.  Limit your intake of negative media--whether it is on the television or through social media--and protect your mind from being bombarded with unhealthy thinking.

In turn, filling your mind with good images and good thoughts can lead you to having a positive mental state. One way is to find good visuals to put in your mind.  Buy books that show photos of serene and peaceful nature scenes and look through them regularly.  Memorize them in your mind.  Meditating on them is a good way to fill your mind with good things.

I am guilty of focusing on negative thoughts in the past and this has led to very unhealthy living.  At times, I still struggle with negative thinking.  A scripture that particularly helps me with this is Philippians 4:8, which says, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good report—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.”  To help me meditate, I take each one of those adjectives and attach a visually appealing picture in my mind.  So, I think of something visually good that is “true,” and meditate on it.  Then I take something visually good that is “noble,” and meditate on it, and so on.

Replacing a negative thought with a positive thought in this way can refocus your mind onto things that please God and glorify Him.  Store up visually good thoughts in your memory so you can immediately replace a negative thought when it pops up.

During this pandemic, find yourself focusing on good things, and it will turn your world around.  You may find that focusing on visually good things gives you a good mental state—a mindset that pleases God and brings glory to Him.

Ann Elizabeth Yeager

Launch Day

“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.”

Benjamin Franklin

As the “launch day” for my first novel has arrived, I pause to wonder if the book is worth reading. If I look at the time I have put into it and the purpose for which I have written it, I actually do believe Holding on to a Sound Mind is worth reading for the audience I intended it for. People suffering with their mental health may find it encouraging. Family members or friends of those suffering with their mental health may find it helpful. Mental health professionals may find it enlightening.

My overall hope is that this book will influence a society that largely misunderstands mental illness and the mental health community. I have a mental illness, a quite serious one, and I find it hard to describe the experience that you go through when you encounter a psychosis, or a deep depression, or an anxiety attack, or a fit of Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, all of which I have suffered. In the novel I am about to release, I focus mainly on schizoaffective disorder, the main mental illness I deal with. I try my best to explain what happens when a person goes through a psychosis. It is actually quite excruciating and largely painful to the sufferer. If people can understand even a little bit of this pain, then the book will have been worth the toil it took to write it.

Writing something worth reading is difficult because after it is written, one really has no idea how it will be received. I hope upon hope that people will appreciate my book and share it with others. Recovering from a bout with a serious mental illness is definitely an ordeal, and this ordeal has a way of touching everyone it comes into contact with. Due to my mental illness, my family has suffered, my friends have suffered, and I, of course, have suffered. So, my writing of this book overall needs to be for a good purpose. I simply want people to understand, so they can have compassion on the next person they run into who is suffering with some kind of mental health issue.

If we can share in our sufferings with one another, I think the world will become a better place to live in. Having compassion on someone who is suffering has a profound impact on the sufferer and the one who shows compassion.  And if someone else witnesses this compassion, I think it kind of has a ripple effect.  People are encouraged.  People see hope.  And where hope exists, so can love.

In the Bible, 2 Corinthians 1, verses 3 and 4 says “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”  In my troubles with mental illness, God has comforted me. I hope Holding on to a Sound Mind will comfort others, too.

—Ann Elizabeth Yeager